To find out, or not...
Next week Jenny, the baby and I go in to see the good doctor for a detailed sonogram. With that visit, we run smack into the most difficult decision faced by an expecting couple - to find out the sex of the baby, or not.
Jenny and I have spent quite a bit of time discussing this choice, and frankly we're split. We've leaned for and against throughout the last few months. Now we're getting down to the wire.
So I submit it to you, friends and family. What do you think? I want to hear your argument for or against. Bonus points for those who actually have kids and have had to make a decision.
Oh, and Jenny and I reserve the right to make our own decision. This is a pregnancy, not a democracy!
20 comments:
I don't think you should find out. There are few surprises in this world and this is one of them. Also, there is the chance they are mistaken and you set your heart on the wrong thing.
Also, a friend of mine that is due when I'm due found out what she's having. She said it's exciting when you first find out but then the news sort of loses its luster. Knowing takes some of the excitement away.
You can buy sleepers for the 0-3 month size and then a month later, at Christmas, everyone can get the baby whatever pink or blue clothes he/she needs.
Sorry this is so long. Don't find out!
I say LISTEN TO YOUR SISTER!! LOL.
No, seriously...I for one would rather not know. I'm looking forward to calling everyone I know to tell them Sweet Pea has arrived! The question that follows that (the obvious one) is: Did she have a girl or a boy????
That has got to be one of the most exciting moments in your lives... I remember clearly, daddy telling me in the recovery room, "We had a baby boy, and I named him William." My joyous cry that followed has only been repeated a few times in my life. Don't miss that experience!!!!!
Yaya
Auntie Martha O says no -- don't find out. It's the best surprise there is.
Auntie Martha O also says, don't tell us what names you have picked out. It's none of our business! And if we don't like 'em, you don't want to know.
Congratulations and love from the Ann Arbor Conways.
As the mother of this unborn child, I was under the impression we'd already made this decision...
I view this decision as different for each couple. Some view it as a way to bond with their baby, give their child an identity. Others want to plan. To some it's still a surprise regardless of when you find out. One friend said there were enough changes happening the day of the birth, she didn't feel finding out months earlier would take away from her birth experience. Some enjoy the anticipation of not knowing, it kills others and for a few it doesn't affect them either way.
I'm not dying to know the sex of our child. I'm curious, but I'm patient enough to wait. The question is do I want to learn it now or later. Many people say there are few surprises in this world, I disagree. No doubt, this is a very unique surprise, but there are more surprises in life than we think. People don't let themselves be surprised, we're impatient. We seek out the answer before the question has been asked.
I predict those who found out will suggest we find out, and those who didn't find out will suggest we not find out. I'm curious to hear those points of views, but even more to hear ones of people without children and couples who suggest the opposite of what they did. I doubt the later scenario happens very often. The birth experience left in their minds is joyful, regardless of whether they knew the sex. The question is what does the couple want as their experience.
Jenny, that was a lovely post! Good points.
I agree with Martha O that you shouldn't share the names you have picked out. All that does is invite comments, which are pointless since you've already made the decision. I'm aiming this at you YAYA!
Hi Jenny:
As a mother of two children, I opted to find out the gender both times. I can tell you that most technicians are sufficiently trained to determine the correct gender. You wouldn't have to worry about dressing a boy in pink frills!
Why I liked knowing the gender of both children:
1. I could buy clothes
2. Decorate the room - gender
specific
3. Daydream about going to baseball practice and ballet
This is my opinion but the opinions that matter most are yours and William's.
I, for one, don't see the huge need to know the sex so that you can "plan ahead." As Joannie already pointed out, most 0-3 month old clothes are not gender specific, and who declared that little boys must wear blue and little girls must wear pink!? (Our Abby looked stunning in blue as a newborn -- still does now!).
And as for nursery colors, we pained ours a really soft yellow. Do you really want pink walls forever?
When we decided not to find out the sex of our babies, I think it was Joannie who pointed out to me that it was kind of like a spoiler. Can you imagine someone giving you a nicely wrapped package six months before Christmas and saying, "Here's your present. It's a collectible Alton Brown bobble head. But you can't open it till Dec. 25." Yes, you still have some anticipation, but the surprise is gone.
Anyway, the real reason I'm writing is to tell you the story of when my sis-in-law was pregnant with my nephew Alex (their second). With their first, Emily, they found out the sex before hand. Then when they were pregnant with Alex, we were also pregnant with Abby, and were keeping the sex a surprise. So they though that was neat, and wanted to give it a try themselves.
The way I hear the story, my sis-in-law "accadentally" found out during a routine ultrasound. She was going to tell my brother that she knew, but that if he still wanted to be surprised she wouldn't tell him. Turns out he never got that opportunity because when he came home from work that day, my sis-in-law was out, but he found the ultrasound pics on the kitchen counter with a big red arrow and the words "BOY PARTS" written on it. Ooops!
The truth is that a year from now it won't even matter, but I do think it adds a bit of excitement and anticipation not knowing. Obviously we think it's a good decision because we've stuck with it for all of our kids thus far.
As you know, Courtney and I are expecting our first at the end of October and decided to be surprised.
I think it will be fun to be able to introduce Courtney to our little Harrison -or- Andra (yes, we're broadcasting our names, we figure it's a trade off for not finding out the gender).
However, as we have yet to experience that process, we can't necessarily share our results.
I imagine it will be a nice reveal for this particular "Season Finale," but if the gender were the only surprise or joy to be had at that time, I would consider it a rather lackluster episode.
I'm sure there are so many other things to be excited/surprised about as new parents. Gender most definitely makes the "Greatest Hits" album, but doesn't constitute the entire CD (and seriously, who buys singles anymore?).
I hope you found my both-sides-of-the-fence Television and Music Industry analogies helpful in lieu of real life experience. If not, I'm also willing to present these arguments via interpretive dance.
Since I started this conversation, I guess I should chime in.
I don't want to find out. I'm not really sure why, but I just don't need to know. It's not really that important to me.
What I do want is an Alton Brown bobblehead. Do they really exist, or was it just a metaphor?
I laughed out loud (literally) at William's last comment and had people come in my office to see what was so funny!
Up until just a few years ago, this decision was not even relevent. So, being an old-fashioned kind of guy, I vote Don't find out, since "from the beginning it was not so".
Also, I agree with Joannie on the name. As a grandfather I get a double surprise: 1) Boy or Girl? and 2) What's her name? When Matthew brought Abby out to see us right after she was born, he said "Here is Abigail Newsome". That was an awesome moment.
So even if you decide to find out, I don't want to know!
Sounds like you guys already know what you want to do but I'll weigh in on the minority side. Since we were having twins, we opted to find out, so we could do some advance planning.
Really what it boils down to is WHEN you get the thrill of finding out the sex, now or later. We were just as thrilled the day of the ultrasound when we found out "2 boys" as we would have on the day of birth.
With all due respect to Matt (and Alton Brown), a baby is NOTHING like a bobble head. On the day of birth, you will meet a unique little human, unlike any other human you ever met and the thrill is unparalleled. So if some ultra-sound tech or a doctor lets it accidentallly slip, fear not! Your joy will be undiminished by previous knowledge of the sex of the child. There's nothing better in the world. Auntie Martha
My opinion is to find out the sex of your baby, for reasons previously mentioned; for the chance to bond, to know just who, exactly, is on the way, and mainly to PLAN! Gee, Jenny, I've known you for what, 15 years, and I really get a kick out of knowing that Jenny Royer would NOT plan! Ha, ha!
On the flip side, I can see why some people - not me - would not want to find out. This is one of the biggest suprises that life can give you... and I see that William really does not want to know. Plus, you could always buy things in pink or blue (or neither) later.
It's your decision as a couple, and whatever you both decide to do is just peachy!
Cheers to your new family!
~Allison
Regardaing the "anonymous" suggestion that "most technicians are sufficiently trained to determine the correct gender:" Lotts of times the technicians are just plain wrong. My brother's son arrived much to the dismay of his grandmother, who had hand-sewn and embroidered an entire closetful of clothes for a girl. (The parents didn't want to know the sex, but grandma did, so Mom instructed the technician to write "girl" or "boy" on a note that she did not read before she sent it off to Grandma).
In spite of what I said in my earlier post, there are some situations when one would want to find out. I have a friend who already had a boy and really had her heart set on a girl. She knew she would need time to adjust if she had another boy; she learned the sex of the baby in advance so she could do any necessary "adjusting" before the baby was born instead of after. No adjusting was necessary -- she had her girl!
Finally, bonding with a baby who has been diagnosed in utero with a problem is significantly enhanced if you know exactly who you are praying for.
Hey guys! I say wait until the birth to find out. BUT, here is why I am so qualified on this issue. I have been present at the birth of approximately 1000 babies of the four-legged bovine kind and it was always fun finding out the gender at the birth. haha! Surely this gives me the most bonus points, right William? There you go, a comment from someone w/o kids just like you requested. Looking forward to hearing more about Peanut!
Lani
Well I think it should be a suprise (I love reading this blog by the way, William) But good luck with holding down Jenny little Miss Planner! heee! Just kidding Jenny:)Love you guys either way I'm sure you're just thrilled and I'm truly so happy for you both!
As a recent mom, I'm very glad we found out. We went into the appointment with the mind frame of, "If we find out great; if not, that is fine too." We were only going to tell our friends and family the sex if we were confident of the sex. As is turns out, Paul was NOT shy at all!!!! We asked the tech. to show us the cord just to double check.
Being a control freak and an over planner, I couldn't imagine not know the sex. As for the "surprise" factor... Seeing your baby for the first time, holding your baby for the first time, feeding your baby for the first time will be all be surprises.
I personally think it should be a wonderful surprise. There's too little in life these days we get to be surprised over. And since this is a BIG little life, be surprised!
We're all so excited and happy for you!
Auntie Janice
Just to weight in with another comment, the most frequent reason I hear for finding out the sex before hand has been "planning." But I don't buy it. We've done this three times so far (and will do it for a fourth in August), and we've never found out the sex, and we've never felt like we couldn't plan or that we have not been well prepared.
I often have people ask me how will we know what color to paint the nursery? Well, unless I was planning on painting it pink (never an option), what does it matter what color the walls are? (A little girl won't be psychologically damaged by blue walls, and there are lots of colors besides pink and blue).
What about clothes shopping? Yes, there are some cute little newborn dresses and little tiny suits that look just adorable on girls and boys. And yes it is cute to have onesies embroidered with "Daddy's little girl," or whatever. But the great bulk of the newborn to 3 month clothes you will use will be gender-neutral onesies and the like. Stock up on these, and buy a couple of nice gender-specific outfits once the baby gets here. It'll be just fine.
Really there is nothing major involving the baby's gender that can't just as well wait till after the baby is born. All you really need to prepare beforehand is the same regardless of sex.
So if you want to keep it a surprise, go ahead. Don't worry about not being able to plan or being unprepared.
Plus we have enough boy and girl clothes in our attic that we can run down to Atlanta with whatever you happen to need! :-)
Ok, Matt gets the last word. Thanks for all your input. We'll let you know how it goes!
No, Matt doesn't get the last word - the one doing all the work in this pregnancy does! :)
Wow - what an opinionated group of family and friends we have! Glad you all feel comfortable sharing your thoughts!
The idea of find out the sex for planning purposes isn't necessarily to have everything ready in time. For some people, it's part of the experience and journey they want for themselves. It reminds me of our wedding. Our wedding day was wonderful, but so was the planning and preparing with William and my mom. Some people hate all the work before the wedding because it caused more stress than pleasure, I enjoyed the experience.
I disagree with the notion the great bulk of newborn clothes are non-gendered. Most neutral gendered clothes are newborn sizes, but the inverse is not true. I bet that I've done more shopping than Matt and I see a ton of gender specific newborn clothes, more so than non-gendered. So I don't think that's a valid point.
Overall, I feel there is no right or wrong answer. A couple should do whatever makes them happy!
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